PARENTS ARE PEOPLE Too

CARING FULLTIME FOR ANTOEHR PERSON’S CHILD IS PROBLEMATIC

My years as a foster parent taught me that those caring full time f+or someone else’s child have a difficult time.  They become the proverbial scape goats of everyone including the child.

This article gives a quick summary of some of the problems.

Stepmonster: 8 Reasons Why Stepmothers Are Prone to Depression | World of Psychology.

PARENTS ARE PEOPLE TOO

Women Who Want to Want – NYTimes.com

Becoming a parent does things to both partner’s sex lives.  For some becoming paren’s enhances  sexuality.  For others, the opposite holds true.  One man I treated found the instant his wife became pregnant he had was no long able to perform sexually with her, do desire to do so, but was quickly aroused by any number of other women.   For this man, he was suffering from what I  dubbed this “Can’t sleep with mother” confusion.  For other men it can be fear of hurting the baby, anxiety about having to be an adult,  jealousy because the mother to be’s attention is or even respect that the mother of his is no longer particularly interested in sex for reasons of her own.  As the article details women have similar and different reasons for not wanting sex.

So loss of sexual desire is a normal function of this time of life for some.  That fact may not even be a problem for either problem.  People do vary in terms of sexual desire and the place sex has in their lives.  At the same time, if one or the other party wants an active sex life, problems arise.

Women are the luckier when faced with this dilemma.  Most women can have sex without desiring sex.  Moreover, once the sexual act starts, many women find their bodies responding.  Nature winning.  (This explains why some women have orgasm even during rape–not a happy occurance.)  Men need desire in order to to obtain an erection.  Now sex between a man and a woman is possible without penal erection and penetration, so satisfying sex can go on for the woman as long as her partner is open to other ways of satisfying each other.  Unfortunately, the kinds of emotional or psychological problems that lead to loss of desire and ability, make it unlikely, the person will be open adventuring into other ways of providing each other with sexual pleasures.

Sex is an important bonding, tension releasing, fun part of life.  Not wanting or being able to have sex is problematic for most.   If it is truly okay with both partners to not have sex, then it may not be a problem, but that kind of compatibility is rare.  Many will tell an un-desiring partner sex doesn’t matter when it does.   Better to be honest and to seek ways each can satsify sexual needs;  otherwise the marriage is in danger and divorce hurts children.

As the article points out,  lack of sexual desire during or following pregnancy is mostly a psychological problem.  Therapy is most likely indicated and a good therapist will make sure there are no physical reasons for either party’s lack of desire or ability to perform.

The happier you are in all realms of your life, the healthier your children.  Take care of you, it is the way to take care of your children.

Stay strong.

NEWS, VIEWS, AND TIPS

PRACTICE KINDNESS

Practicing kindness is an important emotional fitness exercise.  This article sees the desire to help as rooted in our genes.

Some Biologists Find an Urge in Human Nature to Help – NYTimes.com.

Jerome Kagan,  human development expert, also points out that society can and does shape genetic predisposition. Our competitive society has pushed against the desire to be kind.  Make sure you push back and work harder at being kind and modeling kindness.  It is a simple way to improve your emotional fitness and move the world toward peace.

NEW, VIEWS, AND TIPS

EXERCISE DOES HELP EASE ANXIETY

 

Phys Ed: Why Exercise Makes You Less Anxious – Well Blog – NYTimes.com.

NEWS, VIEWS, AND TIPS

BEING WITH BEAUTY AND MOVING YOUR BODY

We did Canyon Lands and Death Valley  by car; stopping every now and then to walk.  Now that there is more time available,  a trip to the bottom of the canyon seems doable.  So I have a  new goal thanks to this article.

Hiking to the Bottom of the Grand Canyon – NYTimes.com.

Exercise – Reporter’s File – Does Exercise Really Keep Us Healthy? – NY Times Health

ENJOY EXERCISING, BUT DON’T EXPECT IT ALONE TO KEEP YOU HEALTHY

Exercise – Reporter’s File – Does Exercise Really Keep Us Healthy? – NY Times Health.

NEWS, VIEWS, AND TIPS

NEW GENETIC MARKER FOUND FOR SERIOUS MENTAL ILLNESSES

BBC News – ‘Mental illness gene’ discovered by Scots scientists.

In time, medical science will find better and better ways of treating major mental illnesses.  This is a step forward.

NEWS, VIEWS, AND TIPS

IRISH CATHOLIC CHURCH ADMITS TO ABUSE, APOLOGIZES

Ireland Releases Controversial Report on Church Abuse – International News | News of the World | Middle East News | Europe News – FOXNews.com.

NEWS, VIEWS, AND TIPS

ONE APOLOGY FOR AMERICA’S PAST SINS

Protestant Church Apologizes for Massacring Native Americans – Local News | News Articles | National News | US News – FOXNews.com.

Apologies are important, but only when the behavior apologized for ceases.   Between individuals, apologies are only the first step, ceasing the offending behavior, and making amends also matter.   When the abuses are as wide-spread as those cited above,  it becomes impossible to make amends to all the individuals,  but some thing more than an apology is warranted.   The direct victims of the German Holocaust were given money.  That might be something the Catholic Church could consider.  The Protestant churches should consider full tuition scholarship for any college bound First Nation youth,  some sort of homestead plan  for those not college bound.   The American government should consider the same for all descendants of slaves.  The African and Portugal  governments of the slave sellers should contribute to those scholarships.

NEWS, VIEWS, AND TIPS

STOPPING VETERAN SUICIDES

On Veterans Day: How to stop veteran suicides | The Progressive