If you cannot easily let go of past hurts, most likely you are dealing with a Life Blow. Life blows are traumas, and are not easily put behind you. Try this:
Many traumas need more than a self-help program can provide. At the same time, most of us move on without such help. How to know when professional help is needed? Two thoughts:
First Thought: Sleep disturbances, nightmares, night terrors, not being able to sleep, particularly when trauma first visits, are major clues that you or someone you love need to seek professional help. Sometimes all that is needed is some sleep medication to help the brain do its job of processing the trauma a bit more quietly.
Second Thought: When after safety is restored and normal life ready to be taken up, if thoughts of the trauma lead to flash backs that interfere with the ability to do what needs doing more is needed.
On-going depression, self- medicating with alcohol or drugs, or out of control angry or fearful behavior are the primary symptoms, trauma needs professional help.
WARNING: Nothing not even the best therapy will help if the trauma is ongoing. Safety must be established for treatment to begin.
WARNING: Talk therapy that consists mainly of going over and over the traumatic event is rarely useful after an initial debriefing. In fact, some research suggests it keeps the trauma alive. What seems to work best are cognitive behavioral type interventions focusing on self-soothing skills and then an examination of the beliefs disrupted by the trauma.
You cannot keep trauma from visiting your child. You can offer skills that buffer the negative effects.
Parenting Tip One: Develop the child’s self soothing skills.
Parenting Tip Two: Do not over protect. This starts with the normal events that lead to crying. Teach the child to rate such hurts by how you rate the child’s crying. Uncontrollable crying – Label a BIG Hurt, and offer all the comfort you can. As the hurt lessens, note Hurt Getting Smaller.
Parenting Tip Three: Help child develop a positive explanation for why bad things happen. Not easy, but extremely helpful. Religion offers this type of meaning making, but avoid the idea of a punishing God.
Parenting Tip Four: Get the child to look for lessons.
Parenting Tip Five: Use a variation of the Honor Your Strength Exercise to periodically review what your child has learned about dealing with the bad things that happen.
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Thank you and work at staying strong until next time,. I work hard to do the same as life is often difficult but staying strong lets me find the good.
LINKS OF INTEREST
- Surviving Trauma (medicalwellnessassociation.com)
- Everything You Need to Know About Trauma (traumapages.com)
- Emotional Intelligence (en.wikipedia.org)
- Daily Post (wordpress.com)
DAILY PROMPT Not for Thee What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever received that you wouldn’t give to anyone else? Why don’t you think it would apply to others?
How this fits in with today’s EFTI Post: Hard to say, all advice needs to be dispensed carefully, taken with a grain of salt, even mine.
All the handouts and poster coaches for this course are being posted at the store so you can download them for free.
Apologies if you cannot find one. I am a Jill of all in this business, so some things take longer than others. If something used here isn’t posted yet, you will find lots of other offerings including inspirational quotes or more EFTI exercises. In time all will be posted.